How do you tell your elderly mom that you're worried about her living alone? Where do your folks want to live when they can no longer live alone at home? How do you talk to dad about his driving abilities? When Grandma's memory worsens, how do you ask if she sometimes leaves the stove on?
Having family conversations about these topics can be hard. They can make all generations uncomfortable. Both the issues don't go away by ignoring them. The solution? If you plan in advance – before problems arise – the conversations aren't as hard as you may fear. An AARP survey found that most parents feel better about having this kind of discussion when things are going well, as part of the planning for their future. By knowing their wishes, you'll be better able to help your parents live life the way they wish
Plan the ConversationIt's always helpful to plan a sticky conversation. One of these ways to break the ice might work for you and your family.
Approach the subject indirectly:
"I know you're taking lots of pills. How do you keep track of them? Would a pill organizer from the drug store help you?"
"John says his dad has given up driving. How would you get around when you can no longer drive?"
Be direct, but non-confrontational:
"Mom, I'm worried that you seem to be unsteady on your feet. I'm wondering how I can help protect you from falls."
"If you ever get to the point where you can't live alone, Dad, where would you want to live?
Watch for openings:
"Uncle Joe, you mentioned having problems with your eyesight. Have you seen the eye doctor lately? Does it seem to affect your driving?"
"Gramps, after you said last week that you had trouble turning the handles on the water faucets, I wondered how you were managing with the shower."
Share your own feelings about your parents' changing life:
"You've always been so independent, Dad. I imagine it's now hard for you to ask for help. Is it?" Let your parents know they can always ask you for help when they need it.
"It's hard to see you give up reading, Mom, now that your eyesight is getting bad. Do you miss it? Would you like to try a book on tape?"
Make a ListFamily members are sometimes uncomfortable jumping right into a talk about sensitive topics, such as finances, If so, consider giving them a list of questions or concerns and schedule a time to talk. This lets them think about the kinds of help they may need and prepare for the conversation.
Dealing with ResistanceSome resistance to talking about independence is normal. They may put you off with reassuring statements or tell you to mind your own business. But experts advise:
Respect your parents' feelings if they make it clear they want to avoid a subject. Try another time.
Push the issue if health or safety is at risk, while recognizing your parents' right to be in charge of their own lives.
Act firmly, but with compassion, if you decide you cannot avoid intervening: "Dad, we can't ignore this any longer. We have to deal with it."
Involve other people who your parents respect, such as a minister, lawyer, or a family friend.
Hold a family meeting where everyone discusses concerns and jointly develops a mutually agreeable plan. Make sure your parents feel a sense of involvement and control over their lives. Listen to their opinions and recognize their right to make decisions. Stay focused on current needs and avoid past resentments. They'll feel more in control if the meeting is in their own home.
Look for community resources that can help a parent remain independent, such as transportation, home health care, meal delivery. Share the options with them.
Focus on Key PointsGuessing your parents' wishes for their future can lead to bad mistakes and hard feelings. Ask them about their own thoughts about their current needs and concerns, worries about the future, and hopes and goals for their older years. While you don't want to ask all these questions in one conversation, focus your talks on these major areas.
Where they live: Is your home still ok for your needs? Can you still manage the stairs? Would making some simple home modification help? Should you think about living somewhere else?
Everyday activities: Do you need help with running the house and doing chores? Yard work? Can you hear a knock at the door or the phone ring?
Getting around: Can you get to your doctor visits? Is driving getting hard? Are you getting out to see friends? Getting to the store ok? Can you get to religious services?
Health: What health problems do you have? Are your prescriptions current? Are you having trouble paying for your medicine? Do you need help remembering when to take your pills?
Money: This topic is particularly tricky so you may want to be less direct. Do you need help getting government or pension benefits? Do you want your Social Security deposited directly in the bank? Have you thought about getting extra income from a reverse mortgage? Do you have any bills you can't pay? Is all your financial information in one place?
Paying for health care: What kind of health insurance do you have? Has it paid your bills so far? Do you have long-term care insurance? Would you like some help filling out insurance claim forms? Do you have questions about Medicare?
Keep It Positive
Avoid role reversal. Talking to parents and helping them doesn't mean you are "parenting" them. In your talks, treat each other as equals.
Be prepared to let our parents make their own choices, even if you don't agree with them. As long as they are not impaired with Alzheimer's disease or other dementia, your parents have the right to make their own decisions. Growing older does not give up that right. Even when they make what you think is an unsafe choice, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are no longer capable of living independently. If their choices disturb you, you may need to set your own limits to how involved you can be, so that their decisions don't run your life.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Holidays are a Good Time To Check on Your Senior Loved Ones
The holidays, although a very busy time of year, is an excellent opportunity to check in on our parents to see how they are doing living on their own. It is often tough on families to determine if mom or dad are doing well living alone. How does one know if it is time to seek help for our aging loved one?
The following are some signs that your aging loved one may need some additional help:
Has their personal hygiene decreased?
Often a problem with mobility or fear of falling may cause your aging loved one to reduce their bathing habits.
Are they turning down invitations to go out, refusing to see family and friends?
This may be a sign the aging parent needs assistance.
Have their housekeeping habits changed?
If your parent has been relatively neat and orderly in the past and that has declined, this may be a sign that they may require some assistance.
Are bills going unpaid or is your parent experiencing financial trouble?
Again, if in the past your parent has been able to handle this task, this change may be a sign that their thought process to maintain their finances has declined or become overwhelmed.
Have their sleep patterns changed?
Are they sleeping a lot more or less, this may be a warning sign that your parent is ill or depressed.
Has your parent experienced a significant weight loss or gain?
This may be a sign that an aging parent is suffering nutritionally. It may be a sign that they may be depressed or that grocery shopping and/or cooking may have become too much for them to handle on their own.
Take a look at the bottom of your parent’s pots and pans for burn marks.
This can be an indication that a parent is forgetting about pots left on the stove, causing a fire hazard.
Is your parent forgetting to take their medications?
This is a sign of short term memory loss or depression.
Is your parent easily frustrated, becoming more combative or showing aggressive behavior?
These are signs that your aging parent may need some assistance.
Is your loved having trouble getting around?
Unsteady gait, increased falling and vision problems are all signs an aging parent may need help.
Has your parent’s behavior or routine changed, are they withdrawing from activities, crying or showing signs of listlessness?
As our loved ones age and their friends pass on, many of our aging loved ones feel isolated leading to depression in many cases.
Talk with other family members, friends and neighbors to explore how mom or dad are doing on their own. If you feel that there is assistance needed or that they can no longer maintain living on their own, please start planning now…don’t wait until a crisis occurs.
Senior Options and Services, LLC assist seniors and their families facing lifestyle transitions.
The following are some signs that your aging loved one may need some additional help:
Has their personal hygiene decreased?
Often a problem with mobility or fear of falling may cause your aging loved one to reduce their bathing habits.
Are they turning down invitations to go out, refusing to see family and friends?
This may be a sign the aging parent needs assistance.
Have their housekeeping habits changed?
If your parent has been relatively neat and orderly in the past and that has declined, this may be a sign that they may require some assistance.
Are bills going unpaid or is your parent experiencing financial trouble?
Again, if in the past your parent has been able to handle this task, this change may be a sign that their thought process to maintain their finances has declined or become overwhelmed.
Have their sleep patterns changed?
Are they sleeping a lot more or less, this may be a warning sign that your parent is ill or depressed.
Has your parent experienced a significant weight loss or gain?
This may be a sign that an aging parent is suffering nutritionally. It may be a sign that they may be depressed or that grocery shopping and/or cooking may have become too much for them to handle on their own.
Take a look at the bottom of your parent’s pots and pans for burn marks.
This can be an indication that a parent is forgetting about pots left on the stove, causing a fire hazard.
Is your parent forgetting to take their medications?
This is a sign of short term memory loss or depression.
Is your parent easily frustrated, becoming more combative or showing aggressive behavior?
These are signs that your aging parent may need some assistance.
Is your loved having trouble getting around?
Unsteady gait, increased falling and vision problems are all signs an aging parent may need help.
Has your parent’s behavior or routine changed, are they withdrawing from activities, crying or showing signs of listlessness?
As our loved ones age and their friends pass on, many of our aging loved ones feel isolated leading to depression in many cases.
Talk with other family members, friends and neighbors to explore how mom or dad are doing on their own. If you feel that there is assistance needed or that they can no longer maintain living on their own, please start planning now…don’t wait until a crisis occurs.
Senior Options and Services, LLC assist seniors and their families facing lifestyle transitions.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Dear Elaine,
I know I need to move to a senior citizen apartment complex. I just can’t keep up with the yard, snow and everything else around my house. The problem is, I have had my house for sale by a real estate company for the past seven months and it isn’t selling!!! What can I do?
Rose
Dear Rose,
Although we are experiencing a sluggish housing market, homes are still selling as long as the seller and listing agent are sensitive to the demands of the market and do the proper preparations necessary to make a good and lasting impression. Since you did not go into detail as to if you are getting traffic or not, I will assume you feel that the agent is providing adequate exposure via advertising and open houses to encourage traffic. So based on that assumption, the following is a list of areas that you may wish to look very closely at, if you have not already done so, to be sure that your home is positioned correctly in the market and ready to be shown.
Pricing your home:
The most important is price. No matter how valuable your home is to you especially with the memories and history you have within this home, when it comes to pricing your home, your home is only worth what someone else is willing to pay for your home. Your agent should be able to share with you what other homes in your area have sold for. You and your agent should focus on those homes that have sold in the last 6 months to get the most current feel on the market and to price your home correctly. Don’t be afraid to question your agent if you feel that your home is priced to low or to high. Keep in mind, if you overprice your home, it will not sell or the buyer may not qualify for the bank financing or may only qualify for a portion of the financing needed which will cause problems at closing.
Make the house accessible:
This means your home should always be ready to show. Make it easy for the perspective buyer to tour your home. Many agents won't bother showing a house that takes 24 hours to get in.
Preparing your Home for Sale: Very thoroughly clean your home. Clean the floors as well as carpets, walls, windows, woodwork and light fixtures including the globes and covers. Get rid of cobwebs high up in the corners at the ceiling. Scrub and really focus on getting into the corners everywhere!
Pre-pack and reduce clutter throughout your home. Buyers love to snoop and will open closet and cabinet doors. Go through all your closets, cabinets and drawers; take this opportunity to “lighten your load” for your move to your new home. Anything that you will be not using in the next few months pack it up and put into storage. Pack up those personal photographs and family heirlooms. Buyers can't see past personal artifacts, and you don't want them to be distracted. You want buyers to imagine their own photos on the walls, and they can't do that if yours are there! Clear off the kitchen and bathroom counters…less is more in these rooms. If you’re like most people, you will come across a number of belongings that you don’t need to move to your new home, I would suggest you give these items to friends or family that may need these items, have a garage sale or make donation to a charitable cause (check your tax adviser for potential tax write-off). The rooms will show better and larger, but more importantly the closets will appear organized as well as larger.
Use brighter light bulbs and open drapes. Allowing the natural light in and enhancing the natural light with your own lighting will allow the rooms to appear brighter, larger and warmer. Temporarily switch to higher watt bulbs (be sure not to go over the stated recommended maximum for each individual fixture) to make the room feel full of light. Some rooms may benefit by the warmer or softer color light bulbs, so test it to see what looks best. When your agent notifies you that someone will be touring your home, leave all curtains, shades and blinds open and all lights turned on for the visit from the potential buyer.
Make necessary repairs and paint touch ups inside and outside of your home. Make all needed repairs unless you want the house to be regarded as a fixer-upper. Don’t do any major remodeling or cosmetic updates, just address items in need of repair such as replacing cracked floor or counter tiles, patch holes in walls, fix leaky faucets, fix doors that don’t close properly, re-caulk tubs, showers and sinks and bleach discolored grout. Anything that's obviously broken gives potential buyers a reason to offer you a lower price, especially if it's one of several repair hot spots that worry buyers the most. Walk in and around your home and touch up paint where ever needed. If a potential buyer sees that you have neglected simple things like peeling paint, they may assume that you have not taken care of the heating system or appliances either. Consider painting your walls neutral colors, especially if you have grown accustomed to purple or pink walls. Important note: The smell of fresh paint is offensive to some people. Also your potential buyer may suspect that you are covering up a problem by painting over it. Most importantly appraisers are taught to be suspicious and investigate if they smell fresh paint. A seller's secret is to use water based latex paint and mix in 3 drops of REAL vanilla extract with each gallon. With most paint brands, this will neutralize 90% of the paint smell. Check with the paint manufacture for best results.
Rent a storage unit. Almost every home shows better with less furniture. Remove pieces of furniture that block or hamper paths and walkways and put them in storage. Open each room up by removing any pieces of furniture that defines a limited path. Remove extra leaves from your dining room table to make the room appear larger. Leave just enough furniture in each room to showcase the room's purpose and plenty of room to move around. Be sure to define the function of each room, you don't want buyers scratching their heads and asking themselves, "What is this room used for?"
Check Curb Appeal.If a potential buyer won't stop the car to get a closer look, they will never go inside your home. Be sure the sidewalks are cleared, the lawn is mowed, bushes trimmed, flower beds weeded and gutters cleaned. Be sure that the house number is visible, you’d be surprised how often a buyer can’t find the house they are looking for due to not being able to see the address.
Scrutinize. Go outside and open your front door. Stand there. Do you want to go inside? Does the house welcome you? Linger in the doorway of every single room and imagine how your house will look to a buyer. Examine carefully how furniture is arranged and move pieces around until it makes sense. Make sure window coverings hang level and that windows are clean. Make sure your home smells clean and inviting, no lingering odors.
Now, each time someone is scheduled to tour your home, make a quick run through your home and think about anything that you might have neglected, just use common sense. Also, turning on some soft background music never hurts.
Good luck!
Rose
Dear Rose,
Although we are experiencing a sluggish housing market, homes are still selling as long as the seller and listing agent are sensitive to the demands of the market and do the proper preparations necessary to make a good and lasting impression. Since you did not go into detail as to if you are getting traffic or not, I will assume you feel that the agent is providing adequate exposure via advertising and open houses to encourage traffic. So based on that assumption, the following is a list of areas that you may wish to look very closely at, if you have not already done so, to be sure that your home is positioned correctly in the market and ready to be shown.
Pricing your home:
The most important is price. No matter how valuable your home is to you especially with the memories and history you have within this home, when it comes to pricing your home, your home is only worth what someone else is willing to pay for your home. Your agent should be able to share with you what other homes in your area have sold for. You and your agent should focus on those homes that have sold in the last 6 months to get the most current feel on the market and to price your home correctly. Don’t be afraid to question your agent if you feel that your home is priced to low or to high. Keep in mind, if you overprice your home, it will not sell or the buyer may not qualify for the bank financing or may only qualify for a portion of the financing needed which will cause problems at closing.
Make the house accessible:
This means your home should always be ready to show. Make it easy for the perspective buyer to tour your home. Many agents won't bother showing a house that takes 24 hours to get in.
Preparing your Home for Sale: Very thoroughly clean your home. Clean the floors as well as carpets, walls, windows, woodwork and light fixtures including the globes and covers. Get rid of cobwebs high up in the corners at the ceiling. Scrub and really focus on getting into the corners everywhere!
Pre-pack and reduce clutter throughout your home. Buyers love to snoop and will open closet and cabinet doors. Go through all your closets, cabinets and drawers; take this opportunity to “lighten your load” for your move to your new home. Anything that you will be not using in the next few months pack it up and put into storage. Pack up those personal photographs and family heirlooms. Buyers can't see past personal artifacts, and you don't want them to be distracted. You want buyers to imagine their own photos on the walls, and they can't do that if yours are there! Clear off the kitchen and bathroom counters…less is more in these rooms. If you’re like most people, you will come across a number of belongings that you don’t need to move to your new home, I would suggest you give these items to friends or family that may need these items, have a garage sale or make donation to a charitable cause (check your tax adviser for potential tax write-off). The rooms will show better and larger, but more importantly the closets will appear organized as well as larger.
Use brighter light bulbs and open drapes. Allowing the natural light in and enhancing the natural light with your own lighting will allow the rooms to appear brighter, larger and warmer. Temporarily switch to higher watt bulbs (be sure not to go over the stated recommended maximum for each individual fixture) to make the room feel full of light. Some rooms may benefit by the warmer or softer color light bulbs, so test it to see what looks best. When your agent notifies you that someone will be touring your home, leave all curtains, shades and blinds open and all lights turned on for the visit from the potential buyer.
Make necessary repairs and paint touch ups inside and outside of your home. Make all needed repairs unless you want the house to be regarded as a fixer-upper. Don’t do any major remodeling or cosmetic updates, just address items in need of repair such as replacing cracked floor or counter tiles, patch holes in walls, fix leaky faucets, fix doors that don’t close properly, re-caulk tubs, showers and sinks and bleach discolored grout. Anything that's obviously broken gives potential buyers a reason to offer you a lower price, especially if it's one of several repair hot spots that worry buyers the most. Walk in and around your home and touch up paint where ever needed. If a potential buyer sees that you have neglected simple things like peeling paint, they may assume that you have not taken care of the heating system or appliances either. Consider painting your walls neutral colors, especially if you have grown accustomed to purple or pink walls. Important note: The smell of fresh paint is offensive to some people. Also your potential buyer may suspect that you are covering up a problem by painting over it. Most importantly appraisers are taught to be suspicious and investigate if they smell fresh paint. A seller's secret is to use water based latex paint and mix in 3 drops of REAL vanilla extract with each gallon. With most paint brands, this will neutralize 90% of the paint smell. Check with the paint manufacture for best results.
Rent a storage unit. Almost every home shows better with less furniture. Remove pieces of furniture that block or hamper paths and walkways and put them in storage. Open each room up by removing any pieces of furniture that defines a limited path. Remove extra leaves from your dining room table to make the room appear larger. Leave just enough furniture in each room to showcase the room's purpose and plenty of room to move around. Be sure to define the function of each room, you don't want buyers scratching their heads and asking themselves, "What is this room used for?"
Check Curb Appeal.If a potential buyer won't stop the car to get a closer look, they will never go inside your home. Be sure the sidewalks are cleared, the lawn is mowed, bushes trimmed, flower beds weeded and gutters cleaned. Be sure that the house number is visible, you’d be surprised how often a buyer can’t find the house they are looking for due to not being able to see the address.
Scrutinize. Go outside and open your front door. Stand there. Do you want to go inside? Does the house welcome you? Linger in the doorway of every single room and imagine how your house will look to a buyer. Examine carefully how furniture is arranged and move pieces around until it makes sense. Make sure window coverings hang level and that windows are clean. Make sure your home smells clean and inviting, no lingering odors.
Now, each time someone is scheduled to tour your home, make a quick run through your home and think about anything that you might have neglected, just use common sense. Also, turning on some soft background music never hurts.
Good luck!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
What Can I do To Help My Parents Age in Place?
I am often asked “ What can I do to allow my parent(s) to age in place and what kind of planning can I do to assist them in preparing for the what ifs?”…Here are some basics to follow:
Planning and thinking about your loved one’s future is key to being prepared for life’s challenges and to making well informed decisions. There are many options available to assist them in maintaining their lifestyle in their home, of course their financial flexibility will play a major role.
There are some minor physical modifications that can be made to a home to make staying in their home practical. A professional can install grab bars near toilets and baths that will provide assistance while maneuvering in their bathrooms. Replacing the bathroom and kitchen faucets with lever faucet handles will make turning the water on and off as well adjusting the temperature easier. Replacing the hardware on the cabinets, drawers and doors in the home with easily graspable pulls and lever handles will make living in their home more manageable. Increasing lighting by stairs, in the hallways, kitchen and bathrooms will prevent tripping and falling. Installing rocker light switches will ease the use of the wall switches. Also, be sure to make pathways clear and minimize the use of area rugs to prevent possible falls.
You may want to consider hiring someone to assist your loved one(s) by providing personalized non-medical care services designed to help people maintain an active and independent lifestyle. Often these services will include laundry, cleaning, cooking and even bill paying. Many of these companies offer assistance with activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing, toileting, medication management as well as companionship options on a continuing basis or as needed.
Consider hiring a service to maintain the yard and to remove snow from steps, sidewalks and driveway. There are also companies that you can hire to perform inspections and various preventative maintenance tasks that will make their stay in their home safe and comfortable.
There may be occasions when your loved one(s) may require skilled nursing care to come to their home. This would involve a RN or LPN providing specific medical needs such as wound care, infusion therapy, tube feeding, catheter care and other skilled medical services as prescribed by a physician. In some cases, some of these expenses may be covered under Medicare, Medicaid or other insurances.
One of the biggest challenges to overcome will be how to pay for the various modifications and services that they may need in order to stay in your home. You or they may have savings or the ability to pay cash, but if they’re like most, they will need to consider financing this endeavor. They may want to consider a traditional home equity loan or line of credit which can be useful for homeowners who are unsure how long they can continue to live at home. They can get money quickly from these loans. Lenders look carefully at their income, other debt and credit history.
A reverse mortgage may be a better option. A reverse mortgage enables the senior homeowner, to convert part of the equity in their home into tax-free income without having to sell the home, give up title, or take on a new monthly mortgage payment. Reverse mortgages are available to individuals 62 or older who own a home. No mortgage payments are due during the life of the loan. The funds can be used any way they wish—for home repairs and improvements, healthcare expenses, in-home care, education, and supplemental retirement income. A reverse mortgage becomes repayable when the borrower sells the home or permanently moves out. The repayment amount can’t exceed the current value of the home.
Americans of all ages value their ability to live independently. But without a plan for aging in place, it can be hard for them to stay in control of their life. Knowing the health risks and financial options can make a big difference in their ability to stay in a familiar place.
Planning and thinking about your loved one’s future is key to being prepared for life’s challenges and to making well informed decisions. There are many options available to assist them in maintaining their lifestyle in their home, of course their financial flexibility will play a major role.
There are some minor physical modifications that can be made to a home to make staying in their home practical. A professional can install grab bars near toilets and baths that will provide assistance while maneuvering in their bathrooms. Replacing the bathroom and kitchen faucets with lever faucet handles will make turning the water on and off as well adjusting the temperature easier. Replacing the hardware on the cabinets, drawers and doors in the home with easily graspable pulls and lever handles will make living in their home more manageable. Increasing lighting by stairs, in the hallways, kitchen and bathrooms will prevent tripping and falling. Installing rocker light switches will ease the use of the wall switches. Also, be sure to make pathways clear and minimize the use of area rugs to prevent possible falls.
You may want to consider hiring someone to assist your loved one(s) by providing personalized non-medical care services designed to help people maintain an active and independent lifestyle. Often these services will include laundry, cleaning, cooking and even bill paying. Many of these companies offer assistance with activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing, toileting, medication management as well as companionship options on a continuing basis or as needed.
Consider hiring a service to maintain the yard and to remove snow from steps, sidewalks and driveway. There are also companies that you can hire to perform inspections and various preventative maintenance tasks that will make their stay in their home safe and comfortable.
There may be occasions when your loved one(s) may require skilled nursing care to come to their home. This would involve a RN or LPN providing specific medical needs such as wound care, infusion therapy, tube feeding, catheter care and other skilled medical services as prescribed by a physician. In some cases, some of these expenses may be covered under Medicare, Medicaid or other insurances.
One of the biggest challenges to overcome will be how to pay for the various modifications and services that they may need in order to stay in your home. You or they may have savings or the ability to pay cash, but if they’re like most, they will need to consider financing this endeavor. They may want to consider a traditional home equity loan or line of credit which can be useful for homeowners who are unsure how long they can continue to live at home. They can get money quickly from these loans. Lenders look carefully at their income, other debt and credit history.
A reverse mortgage may be a better option. A reverse mortgage enables the senior homeowner, to convert part of the equity in their home into tax-free income without having to sell the home, give up title, or take on a new monthly mortgage payment. Reverse mortgages are available to individuals 62 or older who own a home. No mortgage payments are due during the life of the loan. The funds can be used any way they wish—for home repairs and improvements, healthcare expenses, in-home care, education, and supplemental retirement income. A reverse mortgage becomes repayable when the borrower sells the home or permanently moves out. The repayment amount can’t exceed the current value of the home.
Americans of all ages value their ability to live independently. But without a plan for aging in place, it can be hard for them to stay in control of their life. Knowing the health risks and financial options can make a big difference in their ability to stay in a familiar place.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Question-How Do I downsize from a house to an apartment
Dear Elaine,
I am getting ready to move into an apartment after living in my home for sixty-two years. I have collected so many treasures and don't know what to do with everything. I have two daughters and one son, but they are busy and I don't want to bother them with all of this? Do you have any suggestions?
Believe it or not, you have crossed the biggest hurdle! Making the decision to “repack your bags” is often the hardest step of the entire process. Congratulations you are well on your way! Lightning the load, keeping only the things you cherish and truly use, is always tough, but once done you will feel truly comfortable and excited by the opportunities your new home has to offer. The best thing to remember is to break this project down into smaller jobs so you aren’t overwhelmed or become frustrated. On your own you can organize the packing and even the move, but please let someone else do the heavy lifting and moving of furniture.
To start, you will want to establish a timeline for when you will make the move. Set goals for what you would like to complete weekly and monthly right up to moving day. It makes sense to organize your belongings. The easiest and most time effective way to do this is go through each room of your home and determine which items you truly need to take with you to your new home. Once you’ve narrowed it down, take the balance of the items and prioritize their value. Identify a dozen or so items that have the most sentimental or monetary value. Will you give it to a family member, a favorite charity or sell it? Move from room to room, thoroughly inspecting each item and being very selective about which items you will take with you to your new home. Focus on quality of life and reducing the clutter as space will be more valuable.
Most families want to assist in the actual packing and moving, but if you prefer not to have your family involved, then I suggest that you hire a moving company. A moving company can pack your possessions, move them to your new home and in some cases unpack the items. I currently work with two moving companies that can put your treasures back in your curio cabinet and china cabinet just as you had them before the move. If you choose to use a moving company, ask friends, families and even the community that you are moving into for a referral. It is best to obtain 3 proposals and be sure to confirm that they have adequate insurance and can accommodate your schedule, after all they are working for you.
If your budget restricts your use of professional movers, check with your local senior centers, churches, schools and other community based organizations for possible volunteers to assist you during this move.
If you have questions regarding transitioning yourself or a loved one, send them to esimpson@senioroptserv.com and we will answer it on this blog.
I am getting ready to move into an apartment after living in my home for sixty-two years. I have collected so many treasures and don't know what to do with everything. I have two daughters and one son, but they are busy and I don't want to bother them with all of this? Do you have any suggestions?
Believe it or not, you have crossed the biggest hurdle! Making the decision to “repack your bags” is often the hardest step of the entire process. Congratulations you are well on your way! Lightning the load, keeping only the things you cherish and truly use, is always tough, but once done you will feel truly comfortable and excited by the opportunities your new home has to offer. The best thing to remember is to break this project down into smaller jobs so you aren’t overwhelmed or become frustrated. On your own you can organize the packing and even the move, but please let someone else do the heavy lifting and moving of furniture.
To start, you will want to establish a timeline for when you will make the move. Set goals for what you would like to complete weekly and monthly right up to moving day. It makes sense to organize your belongings. The easiest and most time effective way to do this is go through each room of your home and determine which items you truly need to take with you to your new home. Once you’ve narrowed it down, take the balance of the items and prioritize their value. Identify a dozen or so items that have the most sentimental or monetary value. Will you give it to a family member, a favorite charity or sell it? Move from room to room, thoroughly inspecting each item and being very selective about which items you will take with you to your new home. Focus on quality of life and reducing the clutter as space will be more valuable.
Most families want to assist in the actual packing and moving, but if you prefer not to have your family involved, then I suggest that you hire a moving company. A moving company can pack your possessions, move them to your new home and in some cases unpack the items. I currently work with two moving companies that can put your treasures back in your curio cabinet and china cabinet just as you had them before the move. If you choose to use a moving company, ask friends, families and even the community that you are moving into for a referral. It is best to obtain 3 proposals and be sure to confirm that they have adequate insurance and can accommodate your schedule, after all they are working for you.
If your budget restricts your use of professional movers, check with your local senior centers, churches, schools and other community based organizations for possible volunteers to assist you during this move.
If you have questions regarding transitioning yourself or a loved one, send them to esimpson@senioroptserv.com and we will answer it on this blog.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My Parents-How Do I Know if They Need Help?
As people age, their needs and abilities change. They may have trouble getting around the house or difficulty driving. They may not remember things as easily as they once did. And adult children of aging parents may notice that Mom or Dad is having difficulty – with their finances, perhaps, or with personal hygiene.
We all want to support our older loved ones' desire to live independently, even when we have concerns about their safety and well-being. But how do we know when it's time to step in? Start with an assessment.
An assessment is a full review of a person's mental, physical, environmental and financial condition to determine his or her ability to remain safely independent. It identifies risks and helps determine options to reduce them. It's very important to involve your parents in the discussion and decision-making about their options.
How Do I Know if They Need Help?
While it is possible for families to complete assessments on their own using standard check lists, there also are experienced professionals who can help. While check lists and professionals will vary somewhat, here are some basic areas you and your older family members may want to focus on:
Physical Health. Have they been diagnosed with any chronic diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis or emphysema? Or other diseases, such as bowel or bladder problems, heart disease, stroke or cancer? Do they have vision or hearing problems, excessive weight loss or gain, or difficulty walking? Make a list of health professionals they currently see. Add any recent hospitalizations.
Mental Health. Have they been diagnosed with any psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety or psychosis? Have they been diagnosed with Alzheimer's or another form of dementia? Are they showing signs of confusion, disorientation or isolation? What about mood swings or forgetfulness? Sadness or loneliness?
Medication Use. What medications are they currently taking? What is the dosage? How often? Include over the counter medications. Are they taking their medication as directed?
Daily Living Skills. Are they able to dress, bathe, get up from a chair, use a toilet, climb stairs, use the phone? Do they know how to get help in an emergency? Can they shop, prepare meals, do housework and yard work? Can they safely drive?
Home and Community Safety. How safe is their neighborhood? Does their home have smoke alarms, and can they hear them adequately? Can they avoid telephone and door-to-door fraud? Can they maintain their house?
Support Systems. Do your older loved ones have frequent visitors or see friends? Do they go to a Senior Center, or get out of the house for other social reasons? Do family members live close by? Do they keep handy the names, addresses and phone numbers of key friends and family members who they can call in an emergency?
Appearance and Hygiene. How is their overall appearance? Hair clean? Teeth brushed? Shaved? Do they dress appropriately in clean clothes?
Finances. Can they live on their current income? Can they meet future needs with their current income? Are there any legal documents such as trusts, living wills, and/or durable power of attorney? Do they pay bills on time and make informed financial decisions?
Interests/Lifestyles. Do they engage in their favorite hobbies, read books, watch their favorite TV shows, exercise, play a musical instrument, go to church, keep up with their friends? Are they still engaged in the activities they have always enjoyed?
There are good assessment tools and professional consultants who can help you and your older loved ones decide when assistance is needed. Some hospitals and clinics offer geriatric assessment centers. Some city or county agencies on aging provide the service. There are also independent geriatric care managers (also called case managers).An assessment can lead to solving problems and allowing a parent to remain independent longer. It can result in fewer accidents and illnesses, a longer life, and a higher quality of life. It's not always easy to recognize when an older loved one needs help. Learning how to assess their needs will make it easier to know when, and how, to help.
We all want to support our older loved ones' desire to live independently, even when we have concerns about their safety and well-being. But how do we know when it's time to step in? Start with an assessment.
An assessment is a full review of a person's mental, physical, environmental and financial condition to determine his or her ability to remain safely independent. It identifies risks and helps determine options to reduce them. It's very important to involve your parents in the discussion and decision-making about their options.
How Do I Know if They Need Help?
While it is possible for families to complete assessments on their own using standard check lists, there also are experienced professionals who can help. While check lists and professionals will vary somewhat, here are some basic areas you and your older family members may want to focus on:
Physical Health. Have they been diagnosed with any chronic diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis or emphysema? Or other diseases, such as bowel or bladder problems, heart disease, stroke or cancer? Do they have vision or hearing problems, excessive weight loss or gain, or difficulty walking? Make a list of health professionals they currently see. Add any recent hospitalizations.
Mental Health. Have they been diagnosed with any psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety or psychosis? Have they been diagnosed with Alzheimer's or another form of dementia? Are they showing signs of confusion, disorientation or isolation? What about mood swings or forgetfulness? Sadness or loneliness?
Medication Use. What medications are they currently taking? What is the dosage? How often? Include over the counter medications. Are they taking their medication as directed?
Daily Living Skills. Are they able to dress, bathe, get up from a chair, use a toilet, climb stairs, use the phone? Do they know how to get help in an emergency? Can they shop, prepare meals, do housework and yard work? Can they safely drive?
Home and Community Safety. How safe is their neighborhood? Does their home have smoke alarms, and can they hear them adequately? Can they avoid telephone and door-to-door fraud? Can they maintain their house?
Support Systems. Do your older loved ones have frequent visitors or see friends? Do they go to a Senior Center, or get out of the house for other social reasons? Do family members live close by? Do they keep handy the names, addresses and phone numbers of key friends and family members who they can call in an emergency?
Appearance and Hygiene. How is their overall appearance? Hair clean? Teeth brushed? Shaved? Do they dress appropriately in clean clothes?
Finances. Can they live on their current income? Can they meet future needs with their current income? Are there any legal documents such as trusts, living wills, and/or durable power of attorney? Do they pay bills on time and make informed financial decisions?
Interests/Lifestyles. Do they engage in their favorite hobbies, read books, watch their favorite TV shows, exercise, play a musical instrument, go to church, keep up with their friends? Are they still engaged in the activities they have always enjoyed?
There are good assessment tools and professional consultants who can help you and your older loved ones decide when assistance is needed. Some hospitals and clinics offer geriatric assessment centers. Some city or county agencies on aging provide the service. There are also independent geriatric care managers (also called case managers).An assessment can lead to solving problems and allowing a parent to remain independent longer. It can result in fewer accidents and illnesses, a longer life, and a higher quality of life. It's not always easy to recognize when an older loved one needs help. Learning how to assess their needs will make it easier to know when, and how, to help.
Long Distance Care Strategies
Effective care giving depends on keeping a great deal of information in order and up-to-date. Often, long-distance caregivers will need to have information about a parent’s personal, health, financial, and legal records. If you have ever tried to gather
and organize your own personal information, you know what a chore it can be. Gathering and organizing this information from far away can seem even more challenging. Maintaining up-to-date information about your parent’s health and medical care, as well as finances, home ownership, and other legal issues, lets you get a handle on what is going on and allows you to respond quickly if there is a crisis.
If you do not see your parent often, one visit may not be enough time for you to get all the paperwork organized. Instead, try to focus on gathering the essentials first; you can fill in the blanks as you go along. You might begin by talking to your parent and his or her primary caregiver about the kinds of records that need to be pulled together. If a primary caregiver is already on the scene, chances are that some of the information has already been assembled. Talk about any missing information or documentation and how you might help to organize the records.
Your parents may be reluctant to share personal information with you. Explain that you are not trying to invade their privacy or take over their personal lives—you are only trying to assemble what they (and you) will need in the event of an emergency. Assure them that you will respect their privacy and keep your promise. If your parents are still uncomfortable, ask if they would be willing to work with an attorney (some lawyers specialize in elder affairs) or perhaps with another trusted family member or friend.
Tips for the long distance care giver
Keep track of important information in a binder. Use dividers to separate medical, financial and legal. Getting organized is key. Find all legal, financial, and insurance documents, including birth certificates, social security cards, marriage or divorce decrees, wills, and power of attorney. Identify bank accounts, titles, sources of income and obligations, and auto, life, homeowner's, and medical insurance papers. Review these documents for accuracy and update them if necessary. Store documents in a secure place such as a safe, keep an additional copy of this binder with you in case of emergency.
Create a team. Ask for help from people in your parents’ community, such as other relatives, neighbors, longtime family friends and members of religious, civic, and social organizations. Ask them to let you know immediately if they recognize a possible problem.
Planning will minimize poor decisions and unnecessary stress. These topics may be difficult to talk about, but they help ensure that your parents’ maintain decision-making authority even when incapacitated. Preplanning will also lessen family disagreements and protect family resources.
Things to consider now as part of the planning process.
Will: your parents decide how to dispose of assets after death. If they already have one, review and update as needed.
Power of attorney: gives a caregiver the authority to act on behalf your parent. Be sure the new HIPAA language is included, otherwise may not be valid.
Trust: estate-planning document allows your parents to transfer assets and avoid probate and other legal problems.
Joint ownership: makes it easier to gain access to your parents’ finances.
Representative payee: A caregiver receives government checks for a parent who is unable to manage money.
Medigap insurance: pays portion of medical bills not covered by Medicare.
Consider housing options and assistance with ADLs: As transitions occur, your parents may need to move into a community that provides assistance and services or they may wish to stay in current home and bring someone in to provide the assistance.
If possible, bring the family together for a meeting. Decide with your parents what their primary needs are, who can provide assistance and what community resources would help. Summarize your agreement in writing. Keep in mind that family difficulties are typical. You may need to bring in Senior Options and Solutions, a family therapist or social worker to help.
Keep in mind that the best laid plans may need to be altered. As your parents’ needs may change, and helpers will come and go, you will need to be able to adjust and make changes.
The absolute most important thing to remember-
You are no good to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself.
Maintain good health, make time for yourself, set limits, and allow others to help!
and organize your own personal information, you know what a chore it can be. Gathering and organizing this information from far away can seem even more challenging. Maintaining up-to-date information about your parent’s health and medical care, as well as finances, home ownership, and other legal issues, lets you get a handle on what is going on and allows you to respond quickly if there is a crisis.
If you do not see your parent often, one visit may not be enough time for you to get all the paperwork organized. Instead, try to focus on gathering the essentials first; you can fill in the blanks as you go along. You might begin by talking to your parent and his or her primary caregiver about the kinds of records that need to be pulled together. If a primary caregiver is already on the scene, chances are that some of the information has already been assembled. Talk about any missing information or documentation and how you might help to organize the records.
Your parents may be reluctant to share personal information with you. Explain that you are not trying to invade their privacy or take over their personal lives—you are only trying to assemble what they (and you) will need in the event of an emergency. Assure them that you will respect their privacy and keep your promise. If your parents are still uncomfortable, ask if they would be willing to work with an attorney (some lawyers specialize in elder affairs) or perhaps with another trusted family member or friend.
Tips for the long distance care giver
Keep track of important information in a binder. Use dividers to separate medical, financial and legal. Getting organized is key. Find all legal, financial, and insurance documents, including birth certificates, social security cards, marriage or divorce decrees, wills, and power of attorney. Identify bank accounts, titles, sources of income and obligations, and auto, life, homeowner's, and medical insurance papers. Review these documents for accuracy and update them if necessary. Store documents in a secure place such as a safe, keep an additional copy of this binder with you in case of emergency.
Create a team. Ask for help from people in your parents’ community, such as other relatives, neighbors, longtime family friends and members of religious, civic, and social organizations. Ask them to let you know immediately if they recognize a possible problem.
Planning will minimize poor decisions and unnecessary stress. These topics may be difficult to talk about, but they help ensure that your parents’ maintain decision-making authority even when incapacitated. Preplanning will also lessen family disagreements and protect family resources.
Things to consider now as part of the planning process.
Will: your parents decide how to dispose of assets after death. If they already have one, review and update as needed.
Power of attorney: gives a caregiver the authority to act on behalf your parent. Be sure the new HIPAA language is included, otherwise may not be valid.
Trust: estate-planning document allows your parents to transfer assets and avoid probate and other legal problems.
Joint ownership: makes it easier to gain access to your parents’ finances.
Representative payee: A caregiver receives government checks for a parent who is unable to manage money.
Medigap insurance: pays portion of medical bills not covered by Medicare.
Consider housing options and assistance with ADLs: As transitions occur, your parents may need to move into a community that provides assistance and services or they may wish to stay in current home and bring someone in to provide the assistance.
If possible, bring the family together for a meeting. Decide with your parents what their primary needs are, who can provide assistance and what community resources would help. Summarize your agreement in writing. Keep in mind that family difficulties are typical. You may need to bring in Senior Options and Solutions, a family therapist or social worker to help.
Keep in mind that the best laid plans may need to be altered. As your parents’ needs may change, and helpers will come and go, you will need to be able to adjust and make changes.
The absolute most important thing to remember-
You are no good to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself.
Maintain good health, make time for yourself, set limits, and allow others to help!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
